Buying a house has never really interested me. It’s just not on my radar. Buying a castle, on the other hand – now, that gets me excited. Think of the possibilities! From masquerade balls and jousting tournaments to pulling out the trebuchet on special occasions, a castle offers endless opportunities for establishing one’s rule.
I realise that rulership isn’t the most popular vocation these days. Many people see it as dictatorial, or at the very least outdated, and I understand that. It’s all about leading and managing now, isn’t it? Ruling isn’t something that people get into. But I know in my heart that it’s my calling, and buying a castle is a critical step in working towards it.
To that end, I recently spoke to a buyers’ agent. For property near Melbourne, this seems to be the thing to do, especially if you’re in my position – castles aren’t easy to find, frankly, and presumably they generally come up on the market only through private sales. The agent assured me that there weren’t any on the market, but I know what he’s up to. He’s just testing me to make sure I’m really committed to this type of purchase. That’s what they do for really big-ticket customers.
Money’s not a problem. I’ve already come a long way on my journey to rulership, you see, and I’ve amassed a bit of a fortune. This property purchase is simply the next stepping stone on the path, which is laid out clearly in front of me. As soon as that’s done, I can get down to the business of letting everyone know what I’m up to. When I told all this to the agent, they put on a sceptical front, but I could tell they understood that I was serious.
Buying into the real estate market is no small undertaking, to be sure. Castles, in particular, are serious business, and I’m here for it. It’s my duty to destiny.