I can not believe what I am seeing. All across the city of Melbourne, thousands of flowers are rising up and attacking human civilisation. I wish that we could show you live footage of these events, but unfortunately, we made some poor decisions that led to us delivering Channel 17 news only by this blog. It’s truly remarkable stuff I’m seeing, as I sit safely in the Channel 17 helicopter. The streets are covered in vicious roses. They’re destroying the roads and smashing vehicles.
What’s this? We’re pivoting the helicopter around to get a better view. Oh my! It seems that a giant hybrid tea rose is storming down the main streets of the CBD, knocking down buildings. This would be prime footage if we had a video camera with us. I’m telling you, you don’t want to be missing out on this. It’s making me really think we made the wrong decision about blog news, but the company CEO was sure that it was the way of the future.
This reporter suspects that the hybrid tea rose is in charge of the attack, using thousands of miniature roses as its minions. But what could have caused such an uprising of flowers? We treat them only with love and respect, cultivating them to be their best. Do they really have such a strong grudge against humanity? If I had to speculate, which really isn’t my job as a reporter, I’d guess that it has something to do with the giant robot that put flower petals all over the city, upsetting its delicate ecosystem. Combined with the strange weather we’ve had lately, the flower petals have come to life and begun their attack.
It’s something so strange that it has to be deliberate. It’s so evil and horrible that only the Dirge could have come up with it. That’s right, I think this is a plot of Melbourne’s greatest supervillain. And if that’s the case, I don’t know who can save us, with Super-Duper Man on holiday-
Our helicopter’s been hit! The hybrid tea rose shot a vine toward us and destroyed one of the engines. We’re going down! If anybody reads this, get indoors and stay safe!