The Insole Queen

Annie is the worst. She’s the worst, hands down, a perfect ten in the worst event. She even managed to get a perfect ten from that one judge who never gives a ten, in anything, because that’s just how much of the worst she is.

You know that one person in primary school who came in one day with braces, and they were suddenly super popular for…like, three hours? That’s Annie, except we’re in high school and she just came in with arch support insoles. Darren speaks up, because he has a crush on her and he can’t keep a secret to save his life: “Oh, Annie, you look taller than usual, blah blah I’m an idiot who still eats fruit sticks for lunch.”

And Annie makes this huge deal about having arch support insoles, and everyone pays her all the attention in the world. What was extra galling is that I’d finally got everyone to shut up and listen to me talking about my holiday overseas where I got to sleep in a small house in a village where there was no internet, but then Annie waltzes in with an artificial spring in her step and suddenly it’s all about her. 

Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that podiatry was more important than my super zen story about how I totally detached from the web and was given a new perspective, because the whole time I just had to play games on my phone that didn’t require internet. How rude of me to demand just a smidgen of attention for one story.

Tell you what, now I’m tempted to develop a common foot condition, go to a podiatrist clinic open in Cheltenham and become an instant sensation because…I don’t know, I get some bunion splints. Yeah…bunion splints are better than arch support insoles. I’ll be more popular than Annie for sure!