Private Printing

I’m really glad I can do my printing in privacy now because it was getting pretty stressful. The things I get printed off at work are quite sensitive, and I’d get in a lot of trouble if I was seen using the company printing funds for personal purposes. But now that all of the windows in the office are tinted, nobody can see my secret works. My hidden obsession: pictures of chairs. I’ve been collecting them for years, and I know people would think me a freak if they saw the folders I have on my computer. Over the last few months, I’ve been printing them all off, looking over my shoulder as I do so. Since the commercial tinting installation, I’ve never felt more secure.

I shouldn’t be so paranoid. Everybody uses the office printer for personal reasons. Why just the other day I saw Mr Jackson printing off his ‘Gremlins and Goblins’ character sheet and stuffing it in his briefcase along with all his dice. Now I’m pretty sure that wasn’t work-related unless the manager has some secret fantasy cult going on that I don’t know about. And then there’s Tracy, who always uses the printer to produce flyers for her dance club. So what’s wrong with me printing a thousand pictures of chairs in a single day? I’m not hurting anybody.

The boss is holding a meeting today, apparently called, “Why has productivity gone down 300% since we found a Melbourne business that provides office tinting?” I’m hoping he’s not going to call me out, because I’ve been just as productive as ever, honestly. I’m still selling my quota of vegan milkshakes every day, and my vegetarian steak is selling better than ever. I do most of my sales while standing by the printer, but that doesn’t mean I’m not working. There must be another reason for decreased productivity. This might not be a case of cause and effect. After all, we did introduce a policy of “work or play” around the same time as we had the windows tinted. Maybe that has something to do with it.