The Insole Queen

Annie is the worst. She’s the worst, hands down, a perfect ten in the worst event. She even managed to get a perfect ten from that one judge who never gives a ten, in anything, because that’s just how much of the worst she is. You know that one person in primary school who came …

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The Right Consistency

So, you’ve styled yourself from the band of your ten gallon hat to the refitted soles of your 1960s cowboy boots. But what good is all that if your surroundings are completely out of whack with your carefully curated aesthetic? I mean, it’s all well and good if anachronism is your game. Some people get …

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A New Alternator…

Out of all of Biz-Ney’s classics, The Ryan King has to be my favourite, even though it has the saddest moment: where Ryan’s dad (who is also called Ryan) saves him from the stampede of Boxing Day shoppers, but gets caught up in the crowd and carried off to the kitchenware department where the heightened …

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Salad Days Again

Time flies when you’re having fun, as opposed to when you’re exercising, when time extends to such a degree that you’d think the entropy had accelerated and the universe was collapsing into heat death and time had become a random concept. So yeah, I don’t like exercising. But while I hate it intensely, I know …

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The Future is Metal

The Age of Steel approaches. That sounds really ominous, but actually, I just mean that people are very slowly going to become cyborgs. Okay, that also sounds ominous; to clarify, I mean that we are becoming one with the machines. Yeah, I’m not good at this. Prosthetics. That’s what I mean! I think prosthetics of …

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Jelly of my Jelly Roll?

There’s nothing like nailing a retro style from head to toe to make you feel like you’re going places in life. You’d think the feeling should be that of going backwards, but somehow to me it feels like I’m a time traveller who’s plunged forward 45 years into the future.  It’s not easy to pull …

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Time to Sojourn

Alright, so I just beat the world planking record. Easily.  Saw that the current planking record was something like just over ten hours, and that sounded like a decent enough way to kill time. Seventeen hours later, I finally just got bored and stopped. Don’t really see what the challenge is, but then I’m not…I …

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Bath Style

Why do people put so much effort into personalising their homes, but then go and drop the ball when it comes to the bathroom? It’s only one of the most functional spaces in a house, second only to the kitchen. Maybe that’s all that people think it ought to be. In my opinion, the aesthetic …

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Innovation, Wasted…

Here I am watching an episode of Lizard’s Lair and literally yelling at the screen. I’ve never yelled at the screen in my life, and I’m well into my Aussie Rules football, so this is deeply surprising. I just get so frustrated at wasted potential, which is the reason I became a teacher. So many …

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No More Ownership

I never thought I’d admit this, but I’m over owning a house. In fact, I’m not sure I was ever that sold on it to begin with. You’ll grow into it, they said. You’ll thank yourself when you’re older. You’ll regret it if you don’t take the opportunity to buy now. Blah, blah, blah. Well, …

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